Sunday, September 1, 2013

Things Left Unsaid

The major focus of this year, both privately (my life) and publically (Wesley) is making disciples. this has been for my entire walk with the Lord been the weakest and often most nonexistent part of my walk with the Lord. Where passion should be is selfish negligence.

Of course I care about other people and their souls and want for all of us to be in heaven together. But if I am honest, what I mean to say is that I hope you can find it salvation on your own.  The past two years have been a struggle spiritually.  I have seen a lot of growth and a lot of good. The old man is being put to death and the new me is rising from the ashes of sin. Making disciples though is rough stuff.  I don't like to be out of my comfort zone. 

The Lord, in his patient and loving grace, gently convicts me still.  He convicts me of my complacency. He ever so gently shows me how much his grace means to me when I forget myself.  Against his wise instruction I look to the right and the left after He told me to keep my eyes straight ahead. Like the shepherd rescuing me from the lion or bear though, he leads me back and celebrates my return. 

Today the Lord convicted me of all the times I have passed up sharing the Good News with my friends.  The things I have said. The bumbling excuses and evasions.  The paralyzing fear of rejection from someone I care deeply for.

I had a friend die my junior year of high school.  Zohaib Somani.  He had been a good friend for years at that point.  My partner in crime in whatever class we had together.  Those details are lost to time now.  I remember hearing about his death.  It happened late one night.  I woke up to the news. In what seemed like a blur, it had been a week. Even at his funeral I hadn't mourned his death.  The gut punch of reality telling me my time was shorter than I thought it was. What ate at me more than anything though, and eventually brought me to tears, was that I didn't know, for sure, if I would see him in heaven.  I was a very young Christian and had just assumed that Gods grace covered everything.  He was Muslim though.  Not a Christian.  I had heard him talk about God before, often in a derogatory manner and thought that as long I didn't laugh things were okay.  I blamed myself.

I know of course that I have no fault in the matter.  What I did have and still do have was and is conviction.  For months I thought of things I could've said to him.  Instead of pitiful silence when he blasphemed the God who saved my life I had what if I had told him how precious He is to me. What if I had told him the story of my life.  The Lord preformed a straight up biblical miracle in my life.  I knew a love that surpassed my wildest imagination.  These things were left unsaid.

Coming back to the present, these thoughts still stick with me.  I am not the perfect witness.  I still sin.  In the last 7 days I have struggled with lust, forgiveness, bitterness, anger, retaliation, gossip, pure thoughts...the list goes on.  I think of the people I want to know the Lord but have always avoided talking until it was easy.  The Lord always convicts me of my imperfections. Not to shame me but instead to show me how qualified I am.  I am not a sinner in His eyes. I am His beloved. His son. Heir to His throne.  My life is a miracle that does speaks for itself. I do not have to offer a defense for my life. All I need to do is trust and speak

Friday, August 2, 2013

The Perfect Thanks

My last post was pretty emo.  I had been in something like a 2 week funk because who I am was being attacked and I, at the time, chose isolation over the Lord which only led to more funk.  Praise Him that I am out of that now.

As I have been doing some spring(ish) cleaning in my heart the last few days I have been looking at the truth of what the Lord has done and is doing in my life.  I cannot argue his intervention or his blessings.  Especially in contrast to the lies Satan has been feeding me, they stand bright as the noon day sun.  For instance, I was once told that I would not live to go to college.  I had, as well as my family, an incurable disease that would result in my death.  The Lord healed me and my family.  I am nearly 23 now, which is nearly 5 years past my expiration date.  The Lord has healed and is healing the relationships within my family.  Everything I have now is because of the Lord and no other reason.  It was not human medicine or reason that saved my life and my soul.  It was God.

Obviously, I am extremely thankful that the Lord intervened in my life. I have often said that I cannot thank the Lord enough for all that he has done and is doing.  Saying I cannot thank the Lord enough implies debt though, and my debt has been paid. So what is the correct way to thank the Lord for intervening in my life? I found that answer this morning in Psalm 116:1. It reads,

 "I LOVE the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my supplications.  Because He has inclined His ear to me, Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live."

"I Love the Lord" is the perfect thank you.  It is the exact response that Gods heart desires.  After all, He sent His ONLY son to become a curse and die for my sins so that the Chasm that entered between Him and us in the garden would be no more.  That chasm was my sin.  He conquered it like the hero I have always wanted in my life.  He did it for love. To show his love and, hopefully, have us love him back.  He is a Jealous God who desires us to Love him.  SO much so that He asks for us to abandon everything for Him. Every idol, every worldly thing so that we would love him completely.  He died so that the greatest love story ever told could be finished. 

When he intervenes in our lives, he does not need a grand prayer of thanks full of many words.  Our works and words could never be enough to even equal the gravity of what He has done.  That is why, "I LOVE the Lord" is perfect.  It fulfills royal law (Matthew 22:37-38) and fulfills the desire of the Lords heart.  Wrapped up in those four words is the expression of a relationship and the promise of our spirits to the Lord that he has in mind at the dawn of time.  With those four words, we welcome the Lord into our hearts and complete the relationship he has spent eternity creating.  It is the perfect thanks.

Marshall

Thursday, July 25, 2013

One Thing Consists of Consistence, And It's That We're All Battling Fear

Its certainly nothing profound to say that we are struggle with fear. Fear is the most innate emotion humans have.  According to places on the internet (to lazy to cite anything this morning) Humans are born with a fear of heights and of loud or sudden noises. If I were more pessimistic I could even say that we spend the entirety of life becoming afraid of more things. Anyway, back to me.

I have spent the better part of a week now being in fear of...well...what I perceive to be my calling. I believe that I have been called to be a warrior in the war on truth.  I believe that I am an ambassador for the Kingdom of God just like every believer.  I believe that, along with the great commission that I am learning to live out, I am to stand for the Truth as scripture has it. I may have done a poor job explaining that but I do not want to get to far off topic.  To sum it up, absolute truth of the kingdom is under assault and I believe I am called to stand against false teachings and lies.  I also believe this stand against all that is false is in the job description for all Christians due to the multiple urgings in the New testament to stand against false teachers and teachings.


Anyway, back to fear.  This fear began with watching how The Zimmerman trial divided the country.  I watched as it practically became criminal to agree with the verdict and as my friends tore each other apart. As I have grown up, having an opinion is now the right we all have.  The issue is though that having an opinion doesn't mean you are right. An opinion can be wrong.  I have heard a number of times people say that, when confronted with truth or a differing opinion, "Well you believe what you believe and I'll believe what I believe."  It is a prideful statement.  Truth has become relevant and it does not seem to bother anyone.  Truth is absolute. There is right and there is wrong with no in-between. This makes for hard, unpopular decisions and divides many.  With what I have written so far I have no doubt raised objections in whoever might be reading this.  Society has turned the pursuit of truth into the pursuit of whatever helps us stomach our lives.

This is what scares me.  I hate that something that seems so simple to me for whatever reason divides friends and destroys relationships.  If speaking truth is so inflammatory, EVEN AMONG CHRISTIANS, MY OWN BROTHERS AND SISTERS, then why do it? How do I do it? Geez how does anyone do it?

I am familiar with the scriptures where Jesus says they hated him first and stuff. I understand standing for things that are true alienates you from the world. I guess the Zimmerman stuff just brought it to the forefront of my mind.  Over a year ago when the it all went down, I thought it was clear cut what happened and forgot about it.  Next thing I know there is a trial and protests. I find out our president has egregiously spoken out of place concerning the trial. Now people and celebrities are boycotting THE STATE OF FLORIDA. In the words of Stewie Griffen, "What the hell man!"

All due to different perceptions of truth that people have and an unwillingness to accept fact.  Probably the only thing more inflammatory than race is religion, right where I believe the purpose of my life is parked.  I am probably just overwhelmed. I wish there was more love in the world more than ever before.  Maybe I am just waking up. I do not know. I do know that I am missing community in a bad way.  I do know that I am forever sided with God and His Kingdom, and that one day, God willing a long time away, it will mean my death. And that is fine. The Lord is just breaking me in I think. 

I could use your prayers and even your thoughts. This post seems jumbled but it is really just an accurate representation of how my mind has been the last week.  Thank you for taking the time to read.

In Him,
Marshall

Monday, July 1, 2013

Good Will Hunting

Before I get to it I will go ahead and alert you that this is not a review of the movie Good Will Hunting. I love this movie.

I put this movie on tonight as I reheated Taco Bell and made some decaf coffee. Dinner of champions I assure you.  I really just wanted to hear the apples joke as told by Matt Damon.  That scene happens something like 20-25 minutes into the movie so after that I was just a captive audience.  I did not expect to learn so much about myself this time around in watching. 

In short, I realized that, in a lot of ways, I really identify with the character Will Hunting.  Granted i am no genius who sees equations and "just gets it".  I identify more with his psyche. 

At one point, Will and Robin Williams character are chatting at the park.  This is directly following a stunning display of arrogance from Will and ended with Williams hand on Will's throat.  Williams begins to lecture Will on the things he does not know. For instance, Williams says that he could ask Will about Art and Will would probably quote the latest thoughts published in the most recent books.  But Williams points out that Will cannot describe the way the Sistine Chapel smells.  Williams could ask about Love and Will might quote a sonnet.  But Will does not know what it means to be truly known by someone. He does not know what it means to love someone so deeply that she could ruin his world with her eyes.  I will come back to this. One more story.

The second scene comes a bit later in the movie after Will and Williams have been chatting about what Will wants from life.  At this point, Will is receiving all sorts of job interviews with the most prestigious companies in the world.  They all want his mind but Will does not want any of them.  Williams keeps pressing Will with the question, "What do you want?"  Will does not know, gets defensive and leaves.  That night, Will is with the girl he has been seeing, Skylar, and they are in bed laughing and kissing and talking.  Skylar asks Will to come to California with her when she starts school at Stanford.  Will is scared and they begin to fight.  His anger is explosive.  Skylar is confessing her love to him.  Will cannot stop seeing the negatives as he looks forward at their possible future together.  She tells him that if he says that he does not love her she will leave him alone.  As a viewer, it is obvious Will loves her.  Will though says he does not and departs, leaving Skylar collapsed sobbing.

Will is afraid. Because of his fear he chooses a dead end life in South Boston rather than using his extraordinary mind to do something incredible.  Because of his fear he is scared to love, to be vulnerable.  This is what I identify with.  There is a measured about of fear in my life that I am well aware exists.  I even hide my fear in ways that are similar to Will Hunting though, obviously not identical because I do not possess his intellect.  But I have a know it all attitude when it pertains to things I know or think I know.  I tend to alienate those close to me, or at least I used to.  Praise the Lord he has changed me some over the years.  This fear is an issue though.  I have a great calling just like Will does in the movie.  My great calling is serving the Kingdom of God.  I am a Warrior in His kingdom. (My name means warrior). But I am afraid.  I have even seen the old anger creeping back in. Anger is something that I had once conquered. 

I am not saying all this to say that I am defeated.  Rather I have noticed these things and it is so interesting to me that I randomly picked up this movie and learned a lot about myself.  It helps, everyone I think, to look in a mirror and see yourself.  Will Hunting served as my mirror tonight.  My prayer is that you would lift me up in prayer, and maybe, if you are feeling hungry, ask the Lord to hold up a mirror for you. 

Sunday, June 9, 2013

My Last Comissioning

To be honest I did not want to go to Camp Glisson on May 25th of 2013.  Since about September of 2012 when applications went out for the summer of 2013 I had been dreading the day I went back to camp for the first time not as an employee.  I had worked there for three summers and now I was moving on.  I never imagined moving on from Camp would hurt at all.  Especially after three summers of working and being emotionally exhausted, one would think that kissing Camp goodbye would be easy.

Yet, I was amazed as I sat through Commissioning how many emotions ran through me.  This place has genuinely touched my heart and maybe even my spirit. 

Brandon "Danger" Whitlock, who had been my section leader my second summer, once told us that camp is just a bunch of buildings.  I remember strongly agreeing with him.  It has always aggravated me when I heard camp talked about like it was the Tabernacle itself.  In retrospect however, I understand that camp is a sanctuary.  It is a place where roughly 2400 campers run to every summer.  Camp is not just a week away from home, parents and whatever personal hell awaits each kid there.  Camp is standing in the Quad and hearing the roar of Cane Creek Falls just down the road. Camp is jumping off the diving board at the pool. Camp is going to the Sparrowwood Dance and celebrating the blessings God has given us, no matter our ability.  Camp Singing-on-the-Porch in the rain.  Camp is eating a hobo pack with your campers around the fire you all created.  Camp is standing in the middle of Outpost field and looking up at the vast array of stars while fireflies and the Lords Spirit dance around you.  Camp is the wonder you feel in your heart on Friday as you try and comprehend how these kids came to matter so much to you in such a short amount of time.  Camp is about the people. 

This might not be a profound statement, after all I am pretty sure I have heard it said dozens of time by different people. It is not the chapel itself on a Thursday night service that is impressive. It is the 300 or so people around you, of all ages, who are as one voice and one body, praising and experiencing the Lord.  It is not so much reaching the top of the Alpine Tower as it is having your living group spur you on. I could give many more examples but I think I only need mention one more.

Friday afternoon Celebration.  All of camp is there plus everyone's parents.  It is both joyous and sad. Most importantly it is normally hot as all get out.  One act though communicates what camp really is and, what camp really means.  It is the My Friend song. Camp is about friends. Camp is about the growth you experience while making those friends.  I have been on both sides on the My Friend song, 28 times in total at Celebration.  It is sobering to realize, whether you are six or twenty-three, that the people around you are friends, quite literally, forever.  I have campers that are coming to college with me next year, as do many others.  I have watched some campers grow up through elementary to mid-high, mid-high to high school, and high school to staff.  They are my friends, minor or major.  and will always be, even if the next time I see them is in the sky.

As we wrapped up my last Commissioning and I watched the life I had known for three summers move on without me, my heart swelled. I truly love everyone of those people who stood on the stage and, at this very moment at 7:41 on Sunday are headed to Amphitheatre to kick off Week 3. My brothers Jake and Will are doing Outpost things right now. Former camper and dear friend Sara is running around doing CREW things.  Basil is running around with my grand-campers.  Many others are doing identical jobs, preparing to forever impact the lives of precious children.  Jesus, the reason for it all, is going to bring some kids to the Kingdom this week.  He is going to change lives, camper and counselor alike this week, just as He changed mine countless times. 

As I rolled out of camp headed to a brief lunch before I went home, I took in the way out one last time and remembered two things.  The first was the words from the Summons.  I heard the Lords summons at camp and answered.  I can never express my thanks enough for those who prayed for me, encouraged me and loved me each day.  It was the people that put me, and every person who goes through camp, in a position to say, "Yes" to the Lord.  The final thing I remembered were the words written on the back of the sign on the Path of Silence.  Depart to Serve.  For three years I had learned what it meant to be a man and a follower of Christ and a leader at camp.  I had learned what it meant to be a Warrior. I learned from the people around me who loved and prayed for me.  I learned from Jesus, who permeates every inch of Camp Glisson.  I will never forget the lessons I learned at Camp. Moreover, I will never forget the people.  Camp is people because Jesus is in people. 

Friday, May 24, 2013

The End Times

I read a story yesterday about two Christian missionaries in China.  They had just celebrated the birth of their first child.  One morning they were dragged out of their house by Chinese authorities and beheaded on a hill above town while their child was tucked away in their house with a ten dollar bill in its blanket.

A few days ago, a British solider was slaughtered in broad daylight.  He was beheaded, and chopped up like meat while the two men shouted, "Allahu Akbar" which means God is Greater in Arabic. 

I heard a story last night about a teenager from somewhere out west who was nearly trafficked to Phoenix, Arizona.  By what could only be divine intervention she was saved before she actually got in a car with the two men who tried to traffic her. She came to find she had already been sold to a pimp. 

I recently learned more about mind control than I would've  like. It is used on children and in order to achieve it, that child is severely abused until that child has no choice but disassociate and become a slave.

Stories like this exist in bulk. I would be lying if I hadn't been feeling the weight of it all pressing down on me.  I would be lying if I wasn't discouraged.  These are just things that are happening around the world.  In my own life I am currently looking for a job and fighting hopelessness everyday.  I am daily fighting loneliness and lust.  I am striving for a life that is built on abiding in the one true God.

This is a message for everyone because the message is simply to never give up hope. Most of us have a personal hell that we fight everyday.  Satan is mean. He hates everyone. The world is also an awful place. Satan plays a big role in that.  But the message in scripture is to never give up hope. 

Jeremiah 29:11-For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18-  So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Romans 8:24-25- For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Romans 12:12-  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Romans 15:4- For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Romans 15:13-  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.


I could go on. One interesting meaning of hope in the bible is to trust.  Whether the darkness of the world is overwhelming you, as it did me, or your own life sucks the hope out of you, it is important that we hope in the Lord, that we trust in Him. One of Satans tools is the steal our joy.  To discourage us.  So my message is one that I have heard before and you might of as well and it is:

Don't give up. Keep pressing in.  Keep asking and praying.  Don't. Give. Up. Hope. If your family has issues that overwhelm you, don't give up on them.  Don't give up on life, or decency in the world.Or people.  God has a plan.  He asks to keep praying, loving and hoping (trusting).  Take your peace.  These end times are not meant to conquer us.  They are a reason to offer praise and glory to the one true God. Praise His name and in His name, Amen.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

For Girls

There is something wrong with our society.  Regardless of your beliefs, being a woman sucks.  Not wanting this to become a scholarly work on everyway woman are assaulted in this society, I will instead zoom in on one thing: Beauty. 

For as long I can remember I have heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  I think it is said better by David Hume, "Beauty in things exists merely in the mind which contemplates them." This means that beauty is a subjective thing.  For example, some people find profound beauty in birds. I do not see it the same way. A bird is a bird to me.  But for that person, that bird possesses beauty that only their mind knows the height an depth of.  When it comes to people though, specifically women, this saying falls short in large ways.  This saying suggests that a woman's beauty, which is central to her being and cosmic make up, is circumstantial and only true in some instances.  This is a lie. 

Somewhere in the history of mankind, beauty became something a commodity, something that suddenly had scarcity written all over it.  But beauty is not something to be studied in an economics class. This is thought behind our society and cultures view of beauty.  Beauty is bought and sold every day. Whether its pornography, sex trafficking, or professional modeling, society has told women that IT has cornered the market on beauty and you can only achieve it IF and only if you make it your life's goal. 

What kind of life that?  Spending every day trying to be beautiful but on the inside knowing you don't fit societies standard.  Trying to be thin enough, tan enough, fit enough.  Having the right hair style and color.  Having the right boobs and butt. It goes on and on and on.  This life endorses a life style of affection seeking. Desiring to be told that you have in fact achieved beauty. 

You, whoever you are, are beautiful. Satan has stolen this TRUTH from you.  As a woman, created by the creator, you embody your creators beauty.  You are the only one who can.  Notice men do not. We are hairy and gross. We fulfill another part of our creators identity.  All that our God, our Father in Heaven is, you embody it.  It only makes sense that Satan would seek to rob this from you.  In stealing your beauty from you, he subjects you a life of seeking something that you already have.  You have been lied to, society has lied to you.  You are beautiful and worth loving and perfect the way you are.

 Song of songs 4:7 "You are altogether beautiful, my love, there is no flaw in you."
I am not just saying these things. Our father has spoken them to us. To you. So bump society. The reason that the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" falls so short of describing your beauty is because no human could possibly behold your beauty.  No human could possibly understand all that you are, will be, and can be.  The only person who can behold your beauty, behold the Glory that is your beauty, is God. Because it is his glory and his beauty. And you are his creation. And you never leave his sight, meaning he never loses sight of your beauty.