Its certainly nothing profound to say that we are struggle with fear. Fear is the most innate emotion humans have. According to places on the internet (to lazy to cite anything this morning) Humans are born with a fear of heights and of loud or sudden noises. If I were more pessimistic I could even say that we spend the entirety of life becoming afraid of more things. Anyway, back to me.
I have spent the better part of a week now being in fear of...well...what I perceive to be my calling. I believe that I have been called to be a warrior in the war on truth. I believe that I am an ambassador for the Kingdom of God just like every believer. I believe that, along with the great commission that I am learning to live out, I am to stand for the Truth as scripture has it. I may have done a poor job explaining that but I do not want to get to far off topic. To sum it up, absolute truth of the kingdom is under assault and I believe I am called to stand against false teachings and lies. I also believe this stand against all that is false is in the job description for all Christians due to the multiple urgings in the New testament to stand against false teachers and teachings.
Anyway, back to fear. This fear began with watching how The Zimmerman trial divided the country. I watched as it practically became criminal to agree with the verdict and as my friends tore each other apart. As I have grown up, having an opinion is now the right we all have. The issue is though that having an opinion doesn't mean you are right. An opinion can be wrong. I have heard a number of times people say that, when confronted with truth or a differing opinion, "Well you believe what you believe and I'll believe what I believe." It is a prideful statement. Truth has become relevant and it does not seem to bother anyone. Truth is absolute. There is right and there is wrong with no in-between. This makes for hard, unpopular decisions and divides many. With what I have written so far I have no doubt raised objections in whoever might be reading this. Society has turned the pursuit of truth into the pursuit of whatever helps us stomach our lives.
This is what scares me. I hate that something that seems so simple to me for whatever reason divides friends and destroys relationships. If speaking truth is so inflammatory, EVEN AMONG CHRISTIANS, MY OWN BROTHERS AND SISTERS, then why do it? How do I do it? Geez how does anyone do it?
I am familiar with the scriptures where Jesus says they hated him first and stuff. I understand standing for things that are true alienates you from the world. I guess the Zimmerman stuff just brought it to the forefront of my mind. Over a year ago when the it all went down, I thought it was clear cut what happened and forgot about it. Next thing I know there is a trial and protests. I find out our president has egregiously spoken out of place concerning the trial. Now people and celebrities are boycotting THE STATE OF FLORIDA. In the words of Stewie Griffen, "What the hell man!"
All due to different perceptions of truth that people have and an unwillingness to accept fact. Probably the only thing more inflammatory than race is religion, right where I believe the purpose of my life is parked. I am probably just overwhelmed. I wish there was more love in the world more than ever before. Maybe I am just waking up. I do not know. I do know that I am missing community in a bad way. I do know that I am forever sided with God and His Kingdom, and that one day, God willing a long time away, it will mean my death. And that is fine. The Lord is just breaking me in I think.
I could use your prayers and even your thoughts. This post seems jumbled but it is really just an accurate representation of how my mind has been the last week. Thank you for taking the time to read.
In Him,
Marshall
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Monday, July 1, 2013
Good Will Hunting
Before I get to it I will go ahead and alert you that this is not a review of the movie Good Will Hunting. I love this movie.
I put this movie on tonight as I reheated Taco Bell and made some decaf coffee. Dinner of champions I assure you. I really just wanted to hear the apples joke as told by Matt Damon. That scene happens something like 20-25 minutes into the movie so after that I was just a captive audience. I did not expect to learn so much about myself this time around in watching.
In short, I realized that, in a lot of ways, I really identify with the character Will Hunting. Granted i am no genius who sees equations and "just gets it". I identify more with his psyche.
At one point, Will and Robin Williams character are chatting at the park. This is directly following a stunning display of arrogance from Will and ended with Williams hand on Will's throat. Williams begins to lecture Will on the things he does not know. For instance, Williams says that he could ask Will about Art and Will would probably quote the latest thoughts published in the most recent books. But Williams points out that Will cannot describe the way the Sistine Chapel smells. Williams could ask about Love and Will might quote a sonnet. But Will does not know what it means to be truly known by someone. He does not know what it means to love someone so deeply that she could ruin his world with her eyes. I will come back to this. One more story.
The second scene comes a bit later in the movie after Will and Williams have been chatting about what Will wants from life. At this point, Will is receiving all sorts of job interviews with the most prestigious companies in the world. They all want his mind but Will does not want any of them. Williams keeps pressing Will with the question, "What do you want?" Will does not know, gets defensive and leaves. That night, Will is with the girl he has been seeing, Skylar, and they are in bed laughing and kissing and talking. Skylar asks Will to come to California with her when she starts school at Stanford. Will is scared and they begin to fight. His anger is explosive. Skylar is confessing her love to him. Will cannot stop seeing the negatives as he looks forward at their possible future together. She tells him that if he says that he does not love her she will leave him alone. As a viewer, it is obvious Will loves her. Will though says he does not and departs, leaving Skylar collapsed sobbing.
Will is afraid. Because of his fear he chooses a dead end life in South Boston rather than using his extraordinary mind to do something incredible. Because of his fear he is scared to love, to be vulnerable. This is what I identify with. There is a measured about of fear in my life that I am well aware exists. I even hide my fear in ways that are similar to Will Hunting though, obviously not identical because I do not possess his intellect. But I have a know it all attitude when it pertains to things I know or think I know. I tend to alienate those close to me, or at least I used to. Praise the Lord he has changed me some over the years. This fear is an issue though. I have a great calling just like Will does in the movie. My great calling is serving the Kingdom of God. I am a Warrior in His kingdom. (My name means warrior). But I am afraid. I have even seen the old anger creeping back in. Anger is something that I had once conquered.
I am not saying all this to say that I am defeated. Rather I have noticed these things and it is so interesting to me that I randomly picked up this movie and learned a lot about myself. It helps, everyone I think, to look in a mirror and see yourself. Will Hunting served as my mirror tonight. My prayer is that you would lift me up in prayer, and maybe, if you are feeling hungry, ask the Lord to hold up a mirror for you.
I put this movie on tonight as I reheated Taco Bell and made some decaf coffee. Dinner of champions I assure you. I really just wanted to hear the apples joke as told by Matt Damon. That scene happens something like 20-25 minutes into the movie so after that I was just a captive audience. I did not expect to learn so much about myself this time around in watching.
In short, I realized that, in a lot of ways, I really identify with the character Will Hunting. Granted i am no genius who sees equations and "just gets it". I identify more with his psyche.
At one point, Will and Robin Williams character are chatting at the park. This is directly following a stunning display of arrogance from Will and ended with Williams hand on Will's throat. Williams begins to lecture Will on the things he does not know. For instance, Williams says that he could ask Will about Art and Will would probably quote the latest thoughts published in the most recent books. But Williams points out that Will cannot describe the way the Sistine Chapel smells. Williams could ask about Love and Will might quote a sonnet. But Will does not know what it means to be truly known by someone. He does not know what it means to love someone so deeply that she could ruin his world with her eyes. I will come back to this. One more story.
The second scene comes a bit later in the movie after Will and Williams have been chatting about what Will wants from life. At this point, Will is receiving all sorts of job interviews with the most prestigious companies in the world. They all want his mind but Will does not want any of them. Williams keeps pressing Will with the question, "What do you want?" Will does not know, gets defensive and leaves. That night, Will is with the girl he has been seeing, Skylar, and they are in bed laughing and kissing and talking. Skylar asks Will to come to California with her when she starts school at Stanford. Will is scared and they begin to fight. His anger is explosive. Skylar is confessing her love to him. Will cannot stop seeing the negatives as he looks forward at their possible future together. She tells him that if he says that he does not love her she will leave him alone. As a viewer, it is obvious Will loves her. Will though says he does not and departs, leaving Skylar collapsed sobbing.
Will is afraid. Because of his fear he chooses a dead end life in South Boston rather than using his extraordinary mind to do something incredible. Because of his fear he is scared to love, to be vulnerable. This is what I identify with. There is a measured about of fear in my life that I am well aware exists. I even hide my fear in ways that are similar to Will Hunting though, obviously not identical because I do not possess his intellect. But I have a know it all attitude when it pertains to things I know or think I know. I tend to alienate those close to me, or at least I used to. Praise the Lord he has changed me some over the years. This fear is an issue though. I have a great calling just like Will does in the movie. My great calling is serving the Kingdom of God. I am a Warrior in His kingdom. (My name means warrior). But I am afraid. I have even seen the old anger creeping back in. Anger is something that I had once conquered.
I am not saying all this to say that I am defeated. Rather I have noticed these things and it is so interesting to me that I randomly picked up this movie and learned a lot about myself. It helps, everyone I think, to look in a mirror and see yourself. Will Hunting served as my mirror tonight. My prayer is that you would lift me up in prayer, and maybe, if you are feeling hungry, ask the Lord to hold up a mirror for you.
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