Good Will Hunting

Before I get to it I will go ahead and alert you that this is not a review of the movie Good Will Hunting. I love this movie.

I put this movie on tonight as I reheated Taco Bell and made some decaf coffee. Dinner of champions I assure you.  I really just wanted to hear the apples joke as told by Matt Damon.  That scene happens something like 20-25 minutes into the movie so after that I was just a captive audience.  I did not expect to learn so much about myself this time around in watching. 

In short, I realized that, in a lot of ways, I really identify with the character Will Hunting.  Granted i am no genius who sees equations and "just gets it".  I identify more with his psyche. 

At one point, Will and Robin Williams character are chatting at the park.  This is directly following a stunning display of arrogance from Will and ended with Williams hand on Will's throat.  Williams begins to lecture Will on the things he does not know. For instance, Williams says that he could ask Will about Art and Will would probably quote the latest thoughts published in the most recent books.  But Williams points out that Will cannot describe the way the Sistine Chapel smells.  Williams could ask about Love and Will might quote a sonnet.  But Will does not know what it means to be truly known by someone. He does not know what it means to love someone so deeply that she could ruin his world with her eyes.  I will come back to this. One more story.

The second scene comes a bit later in the movie after Will and Williams have been chatting about what Will wants from life.  At this point, Will is receiving all sorts of job interviews with the most prestigious companies in the world.  They all want his mind but Will does not want any of them.  Williams keeps pressing Will with the question, "What do you want?"  Will does not know, gets defensive and leaves.  That night, Will is with the girl he has been seeing, Skylar, and they are in bed laughing and kissing and talking.  Skylar asks Will to come to California with her when she starts school at Stanford.  Will is scared and they begin to fight.  His anger is explosive.  Skylar is confessing her love to him.  Will cannot stop seeing the negatives as he looks forward at their possible future together.  She tells him that if he says that he does not love her she will leave him alone.  As a viewer, it is obvious Will loves her.  Will though says he does not and departs, leaving Skylar collapsed sobbing.

Will is afraid. Because of his fear he chooses a dead end life in South Boston rather than using his extraordinary mind to do something incredible.  Because of his fear he is scared to love, to be vulnerable.  This is what I identify with.  There is a measured about of fear in my life that I am well aware exists.  I even hide my fear in ways that are similar to Will Hunting though, obviously not identical because I do not possess his intellect.  But I have a know it all attitude when it pertains to things I know or think I know.  I tend to alienate those close to me, or at least I used to.  Praise the Lord he has changed me some over the years.  This fear is an issue though.  I have a great calling just like Will does in the movie.  My great calling is serving the Kingdom of God.  I am a Warrior in His kingdom. (My name means warrior). But I am afraid.  I have even seen the old anger creeping back in. Anger is something that I had once conquered. 

I am not saying all this to say that I am defeated.  Rather I have noticed these things and it is so interesting to me that I randomly picked up this movie and learned a lot about myself.  It helps, everyone I think, to look in a mirror and see yourself.  Will Hunting served as my mirror tonight.  My prayer is that you would lift me up in prayer, and maybe, if you are feeling hungry, ask the Lord to hold up a mirror for you.