Thursday, February 6, 2014

Overwhelmed for the First Time

It is days like today that I feel like my dreams will never be accomplished.  I know today is an example of being overwhelmed by the waves and that Jesus can quiet them because that is what He does. Still though...

 I get tired of being a work in progress sometimes if i am being honest.  The process of sanctification is nothing that I am particularly fond of.  I get tired of messing up and upsetting people.  I get tired of having a feeling of dread come over me when someone asks to speak to me because, somewhere in my mind, I am sure I must have wronged them and they are about to tell how and in what ways I have failed them.  I get tired of striving to meet teachers expectations while striving to meet my own expectations for this final semester of undergrad. 

I just feel like, what with 18 hours of school (6 classes), Wesley Internship, a girlfriend, applying for grad school( as well as finding a way to pay for it), and a d-group...oh and on top of that i have my personal health to worry about, paying bills, dealing with a psychotic landlord, finding a new place to live and potentially a new roommate, and more...where is the time for it all.  Im trying to do all of the above while trying to restore some friendships, move on from others, build new ones, find the strength to talk to the people who matter most.  Buh. 

I know it gets better.  I know its not me who gets me through each day.  I know it is not I who holds my future in my hands.  The Lord is in charge of my life and I am more in love with Him than ever.  Today is just the first day that I am overwhelmed in a semester that is seemingly meant to overwhelm me.  I am reminded that no man is an island right now.  It is imperative that I, (and anyone who is stressed really) keep myself open when i am overwhelmed.  I cannot close up when I feel like a boxer who has taken to many punches to the body.  My vulnerability is key to the Lord continuing to reveal himself to me.  He wants to show me, in the storm, that he is the master of it. I just have to yield to me master. 

Ultimately this is why I am sharing this.  I need help. I cannot do this semester alone.  I need each of you and the Lord above all else.  I ask that you pray for me and i hope that the Lord will open up opportunities for me to serve each of you throughout this semester.  Thanks for reading.
God Bless

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